I think that how we live has a much deeper impact on our lives than what we think. Material over mind. Attempts to be 'at peace' among high stress situations have never worked out for me-- I always snap back, like a rubber band, and have to process that stress or pain later, even if I can put it aside for a moment, a week, or years.
In the Buddha's instructions for meditation, the first step is to go to the root of a tree, or an abandoned dwelling. It's implied that to begin meditation, I am to remove myself from my everyday circumstances-- to go out into the wilderness, or at least out of the house, and away from people. This step of the process should not be overlooked.
All the thorny questions about metaphysics can be put aside. All the complicated formulations and expressions of the Dhamma(the buddhist teachings) can be put aside.
The somewhat worriesome implication, is that if what we do matters the most, then the buddha's proposed solution to happiness may go hand in hand with a degree of mild ascetic life.
You know today, my roommate said, "Hey I left your toothbrush in such and such a place."
And I was like, "How did I forget to put it away?", to myself.
No matter what fancy things are going on in my head, my study, my meditation, that all falls apart if I can't remember to set things down in their proper place. No matter how deep into the unknown corners of the mind we go, it is imperative to remember that we're here in these bodies, living among many others, and that has to be attended to-- to some minimal degree. To preserve peace and be unburdensome, both to one's self and others.
Why does the above implication about 'mild asceticism' worry me? Because for a long time I was more disconnected: I thought that if I just meditated well enough-- then I could do whatever I wanted after. Like if a body builder were to say, "I'm going to work out really hard for a few hours a day, then eat nothing but cheetos and lay on the couch for 22 hours." This would only be so effective, right? Of course in hindsight I can see how silly I was-- isn't it always the case, that if we look back far enough, we seem to be fools in the eyes of who we've become now?
At current, I cannot see a life where I don't meditate going forward. There is nothing like the joy of knowing everything that needs to be done, is done, and sitting away from it all, with just a blanket, a water bottle, and a dhamma book. I bring my phone too-- mainly to use as a clock+timer.
There is nothing like the joy of stepping away, even when there are pressures, things to be done, or stressful situations going on-- and sitting away from it all, with just a blanket, a water bottle, and a dhamma book. The time away reminds me that those problems are not the end of the world, nor are they necessarily 'mine' to hold on to at all times.
The most troubling things I've encountered thus far are my own anxieties around the future. I remind myself that they are built up of so many things which haven't yet come to be-- there is no immediate nor near future cause for the worry. It's literally just in my head, what if's and maybes, possibility and counter-possibility. It bubbles up, then it simmers down. I've found after about 45 minutes of staying out in my meditation place, whatever is going on in my head usually will simmer down.
I recently found a way to improve my posture so that I encounter far less pain and no leg numbness. Just tilting the body to one side or the other to give it a rest! After a decade of feeling that numbness and burning pain I feel like a fool. I told myself yesterday, "I'll sit for an hour no matter what." And then I figured it out and now it all seems so silly. I can now theoretically meditate for an hour or longer-- the trouble I hit today and late in the day yesterday is that my own ability to focus, and to let go of all the other thing swirling in my mind-- that is an area I could improve in some more.
""There is the case where a monk, having gone to the wilderness, to the shade of a tree, or to an empty building, sits down folding his legs crosswise, holding his body erect, and setting mindfulness to the fore. Always mindful, he breathes in; mindful he breathes out..." ~ https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.118.than.html
No comments:
Post a Comment