2022 Fragments 1-25

 The first bit of a longer project I've started. I have no idea if I'll finish it, so I'll put this piece up here.

1. The more things I let go, the more I find myself with time, and to a lesser degree, energy with which to consider new things. In the eight month of 2022, I started to write these words.

2. The world offers no permanent shelter-- of the events which we moderns attribute to nature, there is no one in charge. Our math allows us to predict, for instance, weather patterns, in a general way, and yet it is still near impossible for a person unaided to count the exact number of hairs on their own head. Well, unless they’re bald or close to it, I suppose.

3. No one can know the time and place where death will come, though we may be able, in sickness or old age, to get a general sense of it’s approach. But just as often it erupts on people suddenly, taking them away at any old time. We are sparklers, dry grass in a field-- we could flare up and then be extinguished at any point. Pandemics, accidents, and politicos sweep through the people like a wildfire, taking life without discrimination.

4. Who can hold back the breaking wave? Who can laugh while in grave danger, like the man dangling from a cliff, tigers above and below, eating a fistful of berries with a smile?

5. I work on this, when I ‘should’ be working on what pays. But this work soothes in a way that money never does. Money is always on fire-- in motion it is spent, and while still in the wallet it casts a light for miles, drawing thieves and marketers around, predators to the fresh meat. Earning money is a bottomless pit-- there is no end to how to be ‘more efficient,’ ‘more productive.’

6. In the negative, money functions as fuel between people for the fires of greed, jealously, and envy through comparison. To avoid these negatives, it is simple: everyone should be at a similar level. The usual narrative of the modern world however is the opposite of this. Strive for more and more! Get it while it’s hot! The latest things, the latest fashions, bigger house, bigger salary, shiny shiny!

7. Being one of those who has very little, do I then harbor jealousy or greed or envy in my own heart? No, because there is another way. It was once said to me that, if I wanted to live an ascetic life, the most important thing would be “...to have a spiritual base.” To embrace having few things and still find joy-- well, obviously the joy isn’t in the things, right? Perhaps. Or perhaps I derive immense joy from the few things I do have-- having few things, I cherish them all the more, even if they are old, cheap, or commonplace. After not having something long enough, isn’t it easy to say, “I don’t need that, even if it might be nice to have?” Especially so for things that one has never had before at all.

For me, I consider the costs. Yes, money is a factor. But also time. How much time will it take to maintain this? Will it cost me worrying over how I will keep it running, or how I shall find time to use it? Or even find a place to store it and protect it from the elements? Some people seem to accrue houses just to house their stuff. And then maybe it starts feeling like they ‘need’ to have a house. Though I am keenly aware that it is my choices that enable this kind of minimalist living-- I am unmarried, without child or dependents or property to manage. Someone with a family especially, must take that into consideration before trying to drift through life carrying very little, like a leaf on the wind.

So, it is a matter of rhetoric to see downsides to the object of jealous, envy, greed, and thus cut that feeling off at the root-- without needing to acquire things. For me this has been a long process-- and it stings sometimes, looking back on how foolishly I spent some time, or how blindly I acquired things-- but the me of the past is not the me of today, and can’t be held to the same standard.

8. A spiritual base. A firm dock piling. A mountain against the winds of the world. To find my footing in this way is a hard thing, an ongoing process with ups and downs. But for instance, shall I put my faith in a new doodad, just a few years old, or might it perhaps pay in subtle ways to forgo that to choose an ancient path, steeped in traditions and activities that have been handed down for millennia? Old books, proverbs, religious practices-- they all survive because their practitioners survived. For those that claim to bring happiness and stability, even for those followers in extreme poverty-- those claims should at least be examined, and that is what my current process is. Reading ancient texts, interpreting loosely-- breaking things up and reforming them into what is useful to me here and now, even if it goes against traditional trends or interpretations.

9. The beauty of enshrining a character like the Buddha within the literature of the religion is that now that it is done, no one needs feel tempted to try and be a Buddha. We already have one, so we can all stay humble and only venture into the unknown as much as we feel necessary. We don’t need to go around seeking one either-- there he is. (or she, or they, depending on source texts and interpretations)

10. Similarly, if a particular bit of literature, or an entire religion, doesn’t seem to be for you. Cut it out. Put it down. Don’t bother. Life is too short to spend reading things that don’t seem to be helping.

11. Similarly, be wary of anyone who seeks to omit and shrink your perspective, rather than entertaining strange questions and unusual interpretation. If you’re seeking, seek those who can help you expand-- not force you to contract into whatever their ‘box’ is.

12. When entertaining strange questions or encountering unusual interpretations, or trying to come to grips with some of the mythological seeming things in an ancient text(such as seeming acts of teleportation, mind-reading, instant-healing and so on), it is safe to say, “Maybe it did or didn’t happen-- but I have no direct knowledge of that.” Admitting the limits of my own knowledge and understanding is important-- otherwise I risk digging myself into pits over stupid things.

13. A summary of 12: The Buddhist Canon doesn’t need to be defended.

14. The Canon is vast, contradictory, it’s authorship mostly unknown and unconfirmed. There is no way in the modern sense to ‘empirically verify’ what the Buddha said or didn’t or what his followers said or didn’t-- or if any of them even really existed in the first place. I refer here not just to the Pali Canon across it’s three sources, but to all the texts which have come down to us since the time of the First Council: all of those things some call the ‘mahayana’ texts. The Zen writings, the Lotus Sutra. All those various things.

The whole Canon was written by people at specific times and places, for specific reasons. People make mistakes. People also twist and interpret narratives, both old and new, to fit the times they find themselves in. It’s just people. Or at best, people who wrote down what they thought a deity or the Buddha said. At worst, quotations are twisted, lines inserted, and words are placed into the mouths of classical teachers, who themselves may just be figments of imagination.

Anyone who says Buddhism is a religion(or philosophy) that requires no faith should consider these matters carefully.

15. Note that there are, supposedly, a few hundred years of gap between when the Buddha supposedly lived and the time it’s accepted that the council agreed to formalize and write things down. During that time-- it was all oral tradition. I suspect that until things were written down and the teachings were standardized, there was a lot more variation amongst schools within Buddhism-- perhaps as much as there currently is today! (There were what, 20 or so ancient schools of Buddhism on record? Of which we have the direct writings of only a handful, if my memory serves.)

16. Interpretive strategy: When a story contains a moment of myth-- put aside whether it could happen. Instead consider that it was written that way in order to prove a point. “Look! The Buddha has demonstrated all those cool superpowers just like the other religious leaders of his time but also he has this cool and unique teaching that is different and never before seen, so you should totally listen to what he has to say.” Or: “Look, humans don’t know and gods don’t know either, but the Buddha has an answer.”

(For a specific example of the latter, read Digha Nikaya 11)

17. As for me personally, I don’t worry about textual lack of error, or about whether miracles and myths are real. Regardless of errors, things lost in translation, and so on-- the important thing is how can I use what I do find to reduce my suffering and increase my joy. As for miracles-- maybe, maybe not-- but I assure you I don’t know.

18. I have gone to have a talk

Finally, after a long walk

my sadness has gone.

19. Words swirl in my head.

In my heart I climb to the high places,

I taste the delight of a mountain bathed in autumn rain.

20. I know I am playing fast and loose here. What I’ve made in the end won’t be airtight, but I can say that along the way, I’ve not compromised in this way: I’ve only written the parts that I’ve enjoyed writing.

21. I suspect the idea of meditation as a ‘practice’ is dangerous in the following way. Practicing, for what? For some future moment? The future moment has not come! In fact, to view this moment only as preparation for a future moment cheapens the wonder to be found right here in the present. Make this moment as good as it can be-- whether it’s meditation time or not. It is common to say, “Use this breath, make this breath as good as possible.” And that’s a good starting point. With the counterpoint that if that starts making me giddy or distracted in and of itself, then it’s time to aim more for ‘soothing’ or ‘calming’ than ‘good’ or ‘pleasurable.’ There is such a thing as generating too much rapture, for working oneself up into a mania.

So practice in the sense of right now. Improve things right now. Later will take care of itself, but keep your eye on it. Be wary of practicing now for a reward ‘later.’

22. But in light of that, is enlightenment gradual or sudden? This was a big question in relatively recent history. Lots of Zen masters saying confusing things and whacking students with objects. My answer if I were asked this is no better. I say, “Go sweep the paths and clean up your area.”

Why do I say that? I hope the questioner will go away and forget about it. I hope the questioner will find a way to taste a little bit of peace, calm and joy in their daily activities, instead of getting tangled in complex metaphysical questions.

23. Who am I to write a book like this? Interpreting, commenting, and so on, especially on so sacred at topic as Buddhism and such? I have no degrees, no peer-review. I wear no robes, I’m no monk, and it would be a mistake to think me a scholar. My ‘education’ such as it is, is too haphazard to be called ‘scholarly.’

If Buddhism is for everyone, then why shouldn’t I write a book-- recording my own attempts at understanding? The one risk that concerns me: am I leading people astray? Am I responsible for someone’s bad behavior or dangerous interpretation, for their actions after reading this?

I do not think so. But if that’s the case, I don’t think I can lay claim to whatever good others do that may come of this book either. So whether for good or for evil, you, dear reader, your actions are your own. Their fruits, you have earned. For me, I’ve written this book, and if it sees publication-- that is what I’ll have to live with.

24. In line with 23: You must be a light for yourself. The writings of others, even if they profess to be on the same path, may be less useful than you think. I suggest reading whatever is most ancient, then working your way forward. Don’t take up my interpretation and assume the search stops here. That’s backwards-- this book represents a mile marker in my own journey.

Seeing this mile marker of mine-- all it means is that we’ve crossed paths for a moment. Nothing more. Take what you find good, leave aside the rest.

25. Perhaps I’m splitting hairs, but I still feel that ‘practice’ is a strange word to choose in english. There’s no wholly satisfying english word for the Pali word Bhavana, which means: ‘development, cultivate, producing, or ‘calling into existence.’ (Thanks wikipedia)