On The Freedom To Change

 "You are under no obligation to be the same person you were five minutes ago." ~ Alan Watts

There is nothing wrong with turning around. Often, admitting I was wrong, trying to change and do something differently-- I meet with inward resistance. I am already so invested in the way I've been going that it's very hard, it feels like a betrayal of myself, to change my own course. Multiple conflicting desires, ways of being, wage a constant little conflict inside me during those sorts of times-- a contrast to my usual sense of peace and ease that I can tap into, especially when I am alone.

But don't we all experience dark nights of the soul? Questioning all things, doubting ourselves or others?

Shrinking and contracting can help: by removing or putting aside one portion of the conflict. Do I want chocolate or strawberry? Effort of will: just choose strawberry, or say to myself, "Strawberry today, maybe chocolate tomorrow." Conserve motion and resources, allocate along a timeline, delay, let go, surrender.

Expanding can help: by embracing the idea of two things at once. Chocolate or strawberry? Hah! I'll take one of each! Or perhaps I only have enough stomach for one. What if I eat strawberry, and grant a friend chocolate? Is not their enjoyment to some degree my enjoyment as well? Expand into more options, including considering others as part of yourself. Choose liberally, be generous, do it all now, live for the moment.

But what if, whatever choice is made, is the 'wrong' choice?

Shrinkage: I already made it. Looking back won't help.

Expansion: I can choose again. Look forward to trying again.

Consider that worrying over the wrong choice is itself indicative of a contractive mind: worry, a form of anxiety, anxiety, a more subtle gradient of fear.

Anyway... just some extra thoughts I had a little while after the previous post. Good luck out there!