The second day of one hour of internet time only. Yesterday, I finished reading 'Goodbye Things' by Fumio Sasaki. It's a good read, though I skimmed the character bios at the front and the bits of the book that read like product/apple advertising overall. The most important takeaway for me, I think, is the idea that whatever I own becomes part of my identity: the implication being that by saying goodbye to many things, maybe I can craft my own more internal identity, that is not tied to things. Or it'll trigger some sort of existential crisis but... well. Doin' it anyway.
I did sort through lots of my things that were hidden out of reach or in drawers. This was something I had already been meaning to do for a long time, but without constant distraction yesterday, I just started in on one area, and then kind of zoned in and spent five hours cleaning. Very necessary. Now I have many things in bags-- I'll let them sit for a while, in case I feel the need to tear into them to rescue something I decide is special... but when I'm ready I expect I'll say goodbye to most of it.
I have also been diving into 'Searching for Sunday' by Rachel Held Evans. Which is good, and well, more relatable than expected. I grew up Mormon, until I one day just stopped going. I wish at that time someone had pulled me aside and had explained to me that there are many ways to interpret the bible, instead of what had happened: I was too smart for my own good, and the literal interpretation was the only way I'd known. Peter Enns and Rob Bell's books discuss a variety of ways to view the bible, if you want to dig more into that sort of thing. I've greatly enjoyed most things I've read or heard by Enns, but that is perhaps because his views align pretty closely already with my own current thoughts, though are backgrounds are very different.
But Searching for Sunday is more about searching for community, dealing with doubt, and what the Church/community IS in the modern day. And maybe why it's dying. And what it could be going forward. It's a long bit of musing and my own doubts and worries overlap somewhat with Held's own, which is perhaps why the book was so popular among so many people. (Or at least, I assume it was? I haven't looked up sales stats or other's reviews, so I don't really know.)
I need to get back to Contemplative Prayer by Merton before my time on the library loan is up...
I am still thinking about Moab. And all the other times I've been to strange places. I think the key to my unhappiness that I've felt during travel has nothing to do with where I'm at physically-- except for being alone. I think it is feeling alone that is the killer of happiness when I travel. Yet I was surrounded by people. So many spoke to me-- all interactions were pleasant.
I know that I want to go back to Moab one day. I would first like to resolve my income issues and actually 'earn' the trip by saving up money. Instead of burning current savings to go, basically. I think that will feel much better as well: to save up, to go with a set budget, acknowledge that it may not be a 'forever move' and be open to what happens, but ready to return to WA if things don't pan out after a few weeks. (basically what I did last time I went. Got injured, slept in hostel, returned to a more familiar place)
On minimalism: I would now actually call myself a minimalist, where in the past I've argued against ascribing this label to my self. So what has changed? I am now intentionally reducing my possessions, and doing so with an eye to keeping their numbers low. But there is a secret. Just because my material possessions are small, does not mean my online presence, my bank balance, my saved pictures, library of kindle books, and etc are going goodbye. I plan to keep a lot of these more intangible things, that do not take up space to 'own', but do require some time to maintain and make use of. Keeping that from consuming me is both challenging and easy: because there is only one portal through which I can benefit or be harmed my the iceberg that is my digital 'stuff.' That is the computer, and the internet.
But I do want to be able to pack up and leave easily if I want to. I don't want to leave lots of things behind that others have to deal with-- or that might tempt me to change how I evaluate situations: to come back to a subpar situation just because 'well I left all this valuable stuff there!'. For me, that is the danger of possessions. I want to be able to settle down as I please, but take lightly to the wind in the event of changes of heart or catastrophic events. Just a feather on the breeze, a bit of vapor on the wind-- after all, I'm only passing through life right?
No comments:
Post a Comment